I love him
by Fire8343759
Summary: One-shot. Katniss discovers her feelings for Peeta before the Quell. What does she do with this discovery. Rated M for well you know.


**A/N: Ok so this is not only my first fanfic but also the first thing I have ever written out side of hight school which was quite awhile ago. So please review! I hope you like it. **

_No one bothers us. By late afternoon, I lie with my head an Peeta's lap, making a crown of flowers while he fiddles with my hair, claiming he's practicing his knot's. After a while, his hands go still. "What?" I ask._

"_I wish I could freeze this moment, right here, right now, and live in it forever," he says._

_Usually this sort of comment, the kind that hints of his undying love for me, makes me feel guilty and awful. But I feel so warm and relaxed and beyond worrying about the future I'll never have, I just let the words slip out. "Okay."_

_I can hear the smile in his voice. "Then you'll allow it."_

_"I'll allow it." I say_

_His fingers go back to my hair and I doze off, but he rouses me to see the sunset. It's a spectacular yellow and orange blaze behind the skyline of the Capitol. "I didn't think you'd want to miss it," He says._

_"Thanks," I say. Because I can count on my fingers the number of sunsets I have left, and I don't want to miss any of them._

_pg. 245-246 of Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins_

That's when I realize that my number of sunsets left isn't the only thing I can count on my fingers, so are my days. With that realization I also realized that there were so many things that I would never get the chance to do or to say. I'd never get married or have children, not that I had ever wanted to but still that choice had been taken from me like so many other choices. Which makes me wonder, if none of this had ever happened, would I have changed my mind one day. If I had found the right person, someone that I could count on, someone who made me feel safe, and protected, someone who loves me for who I am inside.

I look over at Peeta, into his beautiful blue eyes, and and have another epiphany. I did find that person, he's been there right beside me keeping me safe, comforting me when no one else could, loving me unconditionally. Why had it taken me this long to realize this, and when there is no hope for us. We only have the one more day before the arena and then one of us if not both of us will be dead. This thought makes me sad beyond belief, but it also makes me even more determined to save him, because I wont be able to live without him anymore. Losing him would be like losing myself and I wouldn't be able to stand that pain, not right after realizing that I found him.

All this time that I wasted being confused, not seeing what was right in front of me. How many times has he told me he loved me without a word from me. I always knew I cared about him but now I know that I love him...I love him! And not as family the way I love my mother and Prim, or as a friend, like I love Gale because that's really how I feel towards Gale, he's my best friend but nothing more, maybe it could have been more one day if I had never taken Prim's place at the reaping, but I did. I love Peeta more, a lot more, how did I not see this.

I want to tell him, but I don't know how. I don't know how to express myself in words the way he does, I've always spoke with my actions, but can I do that now without him thinking that the only reason is because of what we will face soon? I have to figure out how to tell him, don't I? Or would it just make things harder?

When the sun has fully set, we head back down to our floor. Once again I take him into my room because I know it's where he wants to be and where I want him to be, I just wish we had more time to be together, now that I know how I really feel.

Once back in my room I start to feel nervous. I've decided that it's only right I tell Peeta how I feel, after all, he's told me a million times how much he loves me and every time he's said that it's been completely true and from his heart. Because of this I know I shouldn't be nervous, but I am, even though it's Peeta, I'm still afraid that it wont come out right or that he wont believe me. So since my words usually fail me I'll have to show him with my actions, now I just need to figure out how.

"I'm going to take a shower first, is that okay?" I say without waiting to get an answer I walk towards the the bathroom.

"Okay,"Peeta says as I close the door.

Once in the shower I try to clear my head and my nerves. The hot water helps, I'm almost completely calm, but I've been in here a long time, I should get back out there. The calm that I have been able the achieve in the hot water lasts until I step out of it. I'm nervous again as I dry off, then I notice that Peeta has brought in my pajamas and put them on the counter. I smile as I get dressed in my usual shorts and a camisole, I leave my hair down as usual. As I go to leave, the reality of today comes crashing down on me, I decide there's no subtle way to do this I'll just go out there and blurt it out and then kiss him before he can say anything, then go straight to sleep, that way he can't say anything and I won't have to explain. I think he will understand and believe me though because I've never kissed him in private before.

I step out of the bathroom completely resolved to follow through with my decision. I search for him for a second, then I find him turning down the bedding getting it ready for us to sleep in . When he turns around and looks right into my eyes, I loose my train of thought for a second trapped in those eyes of his, my mouth opens but nothing comes out and during that slight pause he says with a laugh and a big smile on his face. "Took you long enough, for a minute there I thought maybe you fell and I would have to come in there and get you out."

With those words I close my mouth and look away from his eyes, all I can manage to do is give a little shake of my head, a small smile and a whisper "Sorry." Still laughing he walks towards the bathroom grabbing sleep wear on the way and says "I hope there's still some hot water left for me." then the door is closed.

As soon as I hear the door click shut I flop down on the bed, I sit there for a few minutes just staring out the window. Then I crawl in to bed determined that it was a bad idea to tell Peeta now, I would just end up making things harder later, when we are in the arena, to protect him. And I have to protect him. I can't let him die.

More minutes passed and although I have my eyes closed, I am far from sleep. Peeta comes out of the bathroom, even though I can't see him I know that he's dressed in his usual sleepwear too, a t-shit and his boxers. He doesn't say anything as he crawls into the bed beside me, the bed sags and moves for awhile while he gets comfortable behind me.

It's strange, now that I know how I feel about him, I'm completely aware of every movement he makes. When he's finally still, he's on his side facing my back with his head by my neck and his arm draped lightly over my waist. We've slept this way before, but it's different for me now, I'm more aware. Every thing he does feels like ten times more, every breath he takes that tickles my neck, every time his heart beats against my back, the heat that radiates off his body and of course his arm that rests on my waist protectively, yet gently at the same time. He never moves it from that spot, never searches or pushes for more. This is what I want, to lay here like this with Peeta for the rest of my life, even if that is only a couple more days.

Without thinking about it, I cuddle closer to him and sigh. He tightens his hold on me just for a moment before releasing again but doesn't move other than that. Feeling completely at peace I drift off to sleep.

When I wake up I know that its nowhere near morning and that I've only slept for a few hours. It's not a nightmare that has woken me up but a feeling that something was missing, after a quick look around I realize what it is. Peeta rolled over onto his back and is no longer holding me. I can't believe that the lack of his touch woke me, and I know I will never fall back to sleep unless I'm touching him. I roll over as slowly as possible so not to wake him, I lay my head on his shoulder and put my hand on his chest.

We've laid like this before too, but again now I'm so aware of him. I close my eyes to fall back to sleep and find myself running my fingers back and forth across his chest. I can't help but do it, I just hope that it doesn't wake him up. I continue doing this for a while, his chest is hard from all the training we've done. I've never touched him this way before, I've never touched anyone this way before and I find that I like the feeling, he's so warm and solid and he's here with me. Suddenly, I stop because the arm that I'm laying on moves and I'm afraid that I have woken him up but all he does is wrap it around me.

I wait to make sure that he's fully asleep again before I resume moving my hand across his chest, I graze his nipple once without thinking but since he didn't move or say anything I don't stop. The feel of his chest under my hand is distracting as I continue to move for a while before I realize my mistake, I hadn't been careful enough, his breathing had picked up. I stop when I realize this and slowly look up at him, hoping I'm wrong, but I look right into his beautiful blue eyes.

I move to sit up. "I...uh...I'm sorry." I say but the arm that's around me doesn't let me move very far away. So I turn away instead, his other hand reaches up to turn my face to look at him.

He looks at me with a confused. "It okay," he says. "you don't have to stop if you don't want to." and he gives me that beautiful smile I love.

I just sit there looking in to his eyes not able to look away from him or say or do anything, finally Peeta breaks the silence. " Katniss, it's really okay, come on and lay back down." I'm not strong enough to say no to him because I desperately want to lay back down with him. But I know I need to tell him, he deserves to know that I love him.

"Katniss, what's wrong? Why are you crying?" Peeta says.

I hadn't even realized I was. He sits up leaving his arm around me and reaches the other hand to brush away my tears. I close my eyes and lean my head into his hand as he wipes away my tears, he leaves his hand there, I feel him shift in the bed and when I open my eyes I find that he is really close to me. His face only inches from mine, and he's staring into my eyes like he's searching for something. At that moment I forgot everything, all I know was that I loved this man. "I love you." I whisper to him, I don't even think it was loud enough for him to hear even though we were so close and then I close the distance between us without hesitation, I put my hands on either side of his face and kiss him on the lips. His lips that I have kissed so many times before but never really appreciated before, he kisses me back like I knew he would, his lips are so soft and warm but hesitant too, how did I not feel this. But I have felt this once before, during the first games, when we were in the cave. Although we shared many kisses in that cave, there was only one that felt different from the others, one that made me feel stirring inside my chest, warm and curious, the one kiss that made me want another. But I didn't get another then because my head started bleeding, this time I wouldn't stop at just one, I would get as many as I wanted.

He's the one that breaks the kiss, he pulls away and I can see in his face that he's shocked. I take one of my hands off his face and put my fingers to my lips, savoring the lingering feeling of his lips on mine. We're still staring at each other, and again he breaks the silence.

"What did you say?" He says.

I try to look away but his hand is still on my face and he's holding me there. "Nothing." I say completely unable to say it again. He gets this look of determination on his face, it's a look I have seen before. He not going to leave this alone, he wants me to say it again.

I take a deep breath, "I love you." I say this time a little louder so that he has no problem hearing me.

He still doesn't look totally convinced but I see the hope in his eyes,"You... love... me?" he says, like he's testing the words out, like he can't believe he's actually hearing them from me.

I nod my head once, never taking my eyes off his, as I move my fingers from my lips to his chest, I can feel his heart beating just as fast as mine is through his chest.

"Am I dreaming?" he asks, as he rests his forehead to mine and closing his eyes.

"No." I whisper, "You're awake and I'm here and I love you." I say, I don't know where I got the strength to say it but I do. While I'm talking I slowly move the thumb of the hand that rests on his cheek to his lips and began to trace them. With his eyes still closed he released a shaky breath. I leaned in again and lightly brushed my lips against his, he opened eyes when I do this. His eyes were filled with tears but there was also a hunger in them that I had never seen before, this hunger didn't scare me though it made me want him more. He moved the hand that was still resting on my cheek to my hair and the other went around my back, both pulling me in closer and deepening the kiss.

The hunger, yes I feel it now, it's not a hunger for food like I'm use to but a hunger for him. I need to get closer to him, it feels like I'm still not close enough to him. I take my hands from his face and chest to put them around his neck and I crush my body to his. I release a low moan without meaning too, I am just so overcome by my hunger for him and this new found closeness.

"Thank you, Katniss," he whispers against my lips between kisses "I have waited so long to hear you say that, and now you have and...God, I love you too. Forever."

I notice both of us are breathing hard now, but I don't want to stop I need to keep him close, need him closer to me, I need HIM! All of him! All of my Peeta, so I don't let him go. Our needs seem to be the same because he's not letting me go either, he moves us down to the bed with me on my back and him on his side beside me. When we finally break our kiss it is only because we both need to breathe, but I wont let him go for long. I lean in to kiss him again but he dodges me, putting his head to my neck and planting a kiss there. I am momentarily upset that he has stop until I feel him planting kisses all down my neck and collarbone and shoulder. The whole time whispering to me, "Katniss, I love you" he says.

I grab his face and pull it to mine again, so that I can look at him in the eyes, "I love you." I say to him, "You and no one else." with that said I kiss him so fiercely, trying to pour all the love I feel for him into the kiss. I let my hands wander all over him, feeling the hard muscles of his neck, shoulders and back. He moans into my mouth and I take that as an invitation to continue exploring him, I reach the base of his back and with it the bottom of his shirt, I lift it up a bit so I can feel the softness of his skin and his warmth without his shirt in the way. He moans again and I can't believe that just my touch can make him release such a sound and I want to hear it again, so I continue to move my hand up his back, pulling his shirt as I go. He moans again and returns to kissing my neck, "Katniss," he says "Oh God, Katniss we have to stop this before we get carried away." but he doesn't stop, and neither do I. I don't want to stop I want to feel him and memorize every part of him.

"Peeta," I say, "Can I take this off?" as I tug on his shirt, which is almost off already.

He lifts his head from my neck and we stare into each others eyes. He searches my eyes for a second and I smile at him, he nods once and sits back to take it off but I stop him, "Let me" I say as I take over for his hands and take it fully off. He's beautiful, I've seen him without a shirt on before but never before did it make me feel like I was on fire, heat washed over me as soon as I looked at his chest, I ached to touch him.

I reach out my hands and start to run them down his chest, just as the nail on my smallest fingers grazes his nipple he stills my hands, with a small laugh he says "Sorry, I'm ticklish."

I smile, so that's what woke him up. "Oh really" I say in a playful tone, I sit up a bit and push him back on the bed. I bend down and give him a slow kiss, when I break away I begin to slowly kiss down his neck, only unlike him I don't stop at his shoulder. I moved myself so that I am kneeling in between his legs, I continue to kiss him as I work my way down his chest, his breathing picks up, more moans passed his lips as I travel down to his stomach. Every moan he released was like fanning the fire that is now my body. When I get to just below his navel I pause and realize that Peeta has stopped breathing, I raise my eyes to look up at him, wondering what was wrong, he's laying there with his hand over his eyes.

"Peeta," I say "what's wrong?" At the sound of my voice he moves his hand and sits up and so do I.

"Nothing Katniss," he says "I just never thought that I would be here, like this, with you ."

"But you are," I say "so now what are you going to do?"

He reaches up one of his hands and places it on my cheek "I just want to touch you," he says, "and be touched by you." letting his hand slide down my face to my neck, leaving a trail of over heated sink in his wake, I like his touch and I don't want him to stop.

"Peeta," I whisper "then touch me."

"Okay" he says as he continues to move his hand down my neck, he stops to trace my collarbone with the tips of his fingers, before he continues to move his hand down. When he reaches my breasts he lightly grazes the outside of one with his finger tips, my body arching towards him, as I let out a low moan. His eyes follow his fingers as they continue down the side of my body to the hem of my shirt, where he stops. He looks up at me and raises an eyebrow, curling his fingers around to bottom of my shirt.

"Please," I say a little breathlessly. I want him to touch me, his hands are like a lighting flame to my skin and I need more to satisfy me. He pulls my shirt off throwing it on the floor to join his. I sit there completely still while he looks at my bare breast. That hunger in his eyes seems to become more as he reaches out with both hands and places one on each of my breasts. He runs his thumbs over both of my nipples causing me to once more arch towards him again with a moan.

"Oh, Katniss." he says with a moan, "You're beautiful." moving his hands from my breasts to my waist, he then picks me up and places me straddling his lap. I put my arms around his neck to kiss him and press our bodies together, loving the feel of our naked skin touching. He runs his fingers from my waist back up to my breasts I pull away slightly to let his hands in.

"Peeta," I say breaking the kiss.

"Yes Katniss?" he says in a mischievous way as he kisses down my neck. While his hands alternate between teasing my nipples and rubbing my breasts.

I arch my chest towards him and moan "Don't stop," I move my hands from around his neck to his hair, and rubbing my core against his hardness.

His kisses work their way down my neck to my breasts, I lean back to give him better access when he gets to the nipple he flicks out his tongue, I suck in a breath and shiver at the touch of his tongue there. He does this to both breasts, alternating between his tongue and his thumb, until both my nipples are hard.

"Oh Peeta," I moan as his sucks my hard nipple into his mouth. He moans my name and lays me back against the bed, with him hovering above me, continuing to suck on my breasts. But my core aches for that hardness again, I take my hands from his hair and move them down his back, I pull down on his lower back and lift myself to meet him, his moans start to sound more like growls as I continue to grind on him selfishly. Now fanning the fire between my thighs.

He pulls his lips from my breasts and brings them to mine while one of his hands travels down the length of my body to grip my hip, halting my movements.

"Katniss, you have to stop that" he says against my lips. I release my grip on him and lower myself back to the bed but the need is still there, the need for his touch.

"Peeta, don't stop." I say, it seems like it's the only thing I can say.

"Are you sure?" Peeta says with a questioning look on his face.

I run my hand down his chest to the waist band of his boxers I pause there for the briefest second and then continue down to stroke over his hardness. With a groan he buries his head in my neck. His grip on my hip tightens as I stop rubbing only long enough to pull back the waist band of his boxers and plunge my hand into them before continuing anew. He sucks in a breath " God, Katniss" he says and starts kissing my neck, my shoulder, and my collarbone. He moves with me as I rub the hardness inside his shorts.

"Take it off." I whisper in his ear as he's kissing his neck. Without a moment to think about it I tug on his boxers to emphasize my point. He moves away briefly to remove them and then he brings his mouth back crashing down on mine, before I have a chance to resume rubbing his hardness he's out of my reach. His warm mouth makes a trail down my body, pausing briefly at my breasts only to resume their downward travels until he reaches the top of my underwear. I sit up on my elbows to watch what he's doing, he looks up at me through his eyelashes and smiles. He grazes his nose down the inside of my hip until he reaches my inner thigh. I fall back to the bed with a loud moan, he continues to kiss me, down one thigh and back up the other.

"Peeta" I moan, I hear him give a soft laugh. I feel like my head is going to explode, my whole body feels on fire.

"Yes Katniss?" he whispers against my skin while he kisses along the waistband. "What would you like?"

"Off" I breath. I feel him hooks his fingers around the waistband.

"This?" he asks as he kisses towards my core and tugging the band.

"Oh," I moan "yes...please" he moves his lips back up to the center of the band , he pulls them gently down, I lift my hips slightly to help, his kisses follow my underwear down until his lips reach my core, while his hands continue down taking my underwear with them. Now we're both completely naked and breathing heavy.

My hands grip the blankets as he alternates between kissing and licking my center. I feel the burning desire starting there and spreading through out my body and I lift my hip up to meet his mouth, he moves one hand from my thigh and his finger take over for his tongue. He kisses his way up my body, stopping at my breasts and taking my nipples into his mouth one at a time as his fingers counting rubbing my core. The pleasure is almost too much to handle but still my body is screaming for more.

"Peeta..." I moan, he lifts his face to look at my face and I arch my back so that he wont stop what he is doing, I can see the smile in his eyes when I do this.

"Mmm..?" he says wanting me to continue my thought.

"More!" I breath, more of what I don't know but I need more. He lets of a groan as he releases my nipple and brings his lips to mine, kissing me like I was his last breath. His fingers slow and move to my entrance, slowly he pushes one finger in.

"Oh, God! Peeta!" I gasp breaking the kiss.

" Katniss," he moans into my neck as his finger moves in and out. " does that feel good?" he asks as he adds a second finger and his thumb starts to rub my button.

"Yes, Peeta! Oh God, Yes!" I pant, as I begin to rock in time with his hand, my body taking over because my mind isn't working fast enough, all I feel is pleasure spreading for every place he touches me, like a fire burning under my skin. I want to touch him, I need to give him the pleasure he's giving me. I put my hands on his chest and work my way down " I want to touch you" I say to him.

"Yes. Katniss, please touch me. Touch any part of me, I'm yours." he says breathlessly, I take his length in my hand and start to stroke him.

"Katniss," he moans as he covers my lips with his mouth again. We kiss each other hungrily for a while as we work each other in to a frenzy, until I can't take it any more I need to feel him, inside me.

"Peeta," I say. Letting go of his length and putting both hands on either side of his face, his hand stills in his action and pulls back to look at me. His beautiful blue eyes stare into mine like I'm his everything.

"Katniss, whats wrong? Do you want to stop?" he whispers, as he moves his hand and positions himself above me, leaning on his elbows.

"No," I whisper shacking my head, already I can feel the absence of his fingers and the insistent need to be filled by him again.

" What wrong then?" he asks.

"I love you," I say "I love you so much and I'm sorry that it took me so long to figure it out, and I'm sorry for hurting you so much, I was just so confused and..."

"Shhh... Katniss it's okay, I love you too, it doesn't matter how long it took, I would have waited forever for you." he says leaning down to kiss me. " I have loved you since the first day I saw you and I will still love you with my last breath." he whispered against my lips.

"Make love to me Peeta. Please," I whisper "Make me completely yours."

Peeta pulls back to look at me, "Oh, Katniss are you sure?" he asks.

"Yes, Peeta. I need to feel you. At least once." I say, and it's true I want to share this with him and only him before I die.

"Okay." he says as he leans down to kiss me. "I love you, Katniss."

"I love you too Peeta." I say as one of his hands press against my cheek ,while the other one travels down my body to his length that is between my thighs. He positions the tip at my entrance but goes no further, I grow impatient and with a moan I lift my hips to meet his pushing him in a little.

"Katniss," he moans in to my neck, "slowly I don't want to hurt you" pulling out before entering me a little once more.

"It's okay, you wont hurt me, I just want to feel you inside me" I say, ignoring my reassurance he moves slowly in and out, only entering me more each time but the smallest amount. I feel a bit of pinching pain but it doesn't really hurt.

"Peeta, please!" I moan, I feel like I'm only feeling a small amount of the pleasure I could be feeling and I can't take much more, my need to feel him is growing. I run my hands down his back and try to pull him towards me but he resists.

"Katniss" he moans as he starts to enter me again only I can't take the slowness anymore I want all of him inside me, I lift my hips to meet him again, only this time slamming him completely inside me.

"Oh!" I say, biting my lip and gripping his back, as the slight pinch turns more painful.

"God, Katniss!" he moans and I pant into his neck, as the pain fades and is replaced by the pleasure of being filled so completely by him. He stays inside me and places his hand on my hip to steady himself as well as me, as we tremble at the sensation. "Are you okay?" he asks after we catch our breaths.

"Yes Peeta," I say with a shaky laugh "you can move now." I don't wait for him to move before I start grinding myself against him.

"Oh god," he says but it comes out more like a growl, as he slowly pulls out of me before filling me once more. "Katniss, you feel amazing!"

"Oh Peeta." I say as he leans in to kiss me, resting on his arm by my head to support his weight. As he moves the pleasure starts to grow in the pit of my stomach, like a burning fire it begins to spread throughout my body. With every thrust I come closer and closer to the edge of the release I am chasing, speech is becoming impossible the only noises that can be heard are our moans, our panting breaths and the sound of our bodies coming together.

"Peeta, I..." I moan as my body starts to clench as I get pushed over the edge of my pleasure. "I...Oh...God"

"God...Yes...Katniss." Peeta moans as my body explodes in pleasure, I grip Peeta to me as wave after wave of pleasure crashes over me, I'm sure that I'm digging my nails into his back but he doesn't seem to mind. Once the waves have passed I collapse back against the pillows and try to slow my breathing, I look up at Peeta and smile. "That was amazing." I breathe, Peeta has slowed the pace of his thrust, he smiles back as he leans down and kisses me, "Yes, it was." he whispers against his lips.

For a brief second I'm afraid that he's going to stop and remove himself from me and I don't want that, I want to feel that amazing pleasure again. I hook my leg around one of his and push back against his shoulders rolling him onto his back, with me straddling his lap. He looks up at me shocked for a second, then that look changes to one of pure bliss as I begin to slowly rock against him. He grips my hips and I rock to aid him in the movement. I feel that building pleasure again coming on faster this time as I pick up the pace of my rocking.

"Katniss,...I'm..." Peeta pants unable to finish what he was about to say. I feel feel myself reaching the point of explosion again and I feel his hardness twitch inside me. I tighten my legs around him and grips his shoulders tighter as his grip on me tightens as well, I won't be the only one to leave marks tonight I think to myself. I smile to myself at the thought, I'll have that as proof of this night, something to remind me that I was his if only for a night.

The waves of pleasure come again, only this time Peeta's hardness is twitching more forcefully, he's experiencing the waves as well. I slow my pace as the waves of pleasure pass again, once they have I collapse against Peeta's chest and slowly kiss his neck. I no longer have the energy to move, my body feels like I've spent days running for my life.

"I love you Peeta" I whisper, not wanting to disturb the silence. Peeta moves his hand that are still gripping my waist to run them up and down my back, he sighs and says "I love you too Katniss, so much." I snuggle closer to him and close my eyes completely at peace. This is the memory that I will think of when I'm in the arena protecting Peeta with my life.


End file.
